Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
1 Peter 3:7
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Personally I have never been in an abusive relationship. So Im wrting this for all the women in my life and women around the globe that have suffered abuse at the hands of those who had claimed to love and protect them.
First thing we need to establish here is that abuse does not discriminate. It sees no race, martial status, qualifications, your status in your society. This evil enemy of many has destroyed many lives, marriages, homes, and children futures.
There are women who have been in abusive relationships for years and that had a profound affect on their lives. I believe, its through those dark moments in your life where you have learned things. You see in most cases those bullies think that they are breaking us, but little do they know that they were preparing us for greater battle that was to come.
The thing I have noticed is that, a serial bully could be just anybody. One cant say just because he is a respected men of God, he would never. Or just because he is a doctor, lawyer, all those fancy titles we rank high on the moral ladder, they could never even hurt a fly.
Women today are in marriages holding on to the very last breath they have, in the believe that God would answer their prayers for their marriage, husbands and children. They believe in God’s sovereignty, They believe He is all powerful, and know the abuse in their marriage was not His will since it was totally unrighteous and utterly antithetical to His nature. Since God answers prayer, and they believe He does. abuse is a violation of His nature, He would certainly answer my prayers to change my husband’s heart, right?
Well I have learned in my journey of been a woman seeking after the heart of God, that yes God does answer prayers but not just how we imagine He would. I have learned He is more interested in turning our erroneous paradigms inside out so we learn the right prayer to pray. God answers prayers in His own time.
what i have noticed is that this evil enemy of our happiness, joy and peace not only does it steal our inner beings but also steals the one thing that is important to us. Our relationship with Jesus Christ. In the mist of all the abuse and trying to keep a brave face in front of all your family and friends, u lose the most important connection in your life. You end up wasting all your energy and time praying for this marriage, this marriage of sorrow, heartbreak, full of bitterness. That you forget about your Lord and what He has really called you here on earth to do.
I believe we all have assignments that God has ordinated for us to do, to bring glory and honour to His name. But instead we spend years and years praying, hoping, trying to change ourselves to fit into this bully perfect wife image. Till you realise that not even that helps. You are submissive, caring, and loving even when that is not truly our job to do.
After years you realise, you would not force your husband to change against God’s will, no matter how much you prayed for this to happen for the sake of your children. God created man with a free will. God is able to change his mind, but He limits Himself to the parameters He gave man as a unique creation.
In the pews of every church, including yours, are women who are victims of abuse. It’s tough to believe in the fidelity of God, if all you’re experiencing is ongoing abuse in your life.
Churches should take time to address these kinds of issues because It deeply impacts how women have intimacy with the Father. If our goal is spiritual vitality, spiritual growth, we will never get thete till we are emotional healed.
Today we as Christian women find ourselves been abused and submission is held over our heads by men who are emotionally manipulative or abusive in order to get their way and maintain power and control.
Men use scriptures today to abuse women and if we cant run to our church leaders for help, where are we to run to?
Men love using this verse: “women are to keep silent in the churches” (1 Cor. 14:34)
We remain silent in order to “submit” to our husband. Like many abusers uses this Scripture to manipulate their wife’s behavior.
Today everyone has a role to play:
Pastors can help men better understand their biblical role in marriage by providing balanced teaching on offering marriage classes and counseling and modeling a loving relationship with their wives.
Women, we can support each other by judging less. No women asks to be abused.
Besides helping men understand their role as husbands, abuse will forever been in our mist.