When You Start Blaming Yourself for been Single

So it has been four years when my yesterday left me broken, damaged, hurting and lost. I never thought that I would actually make it out of that deep dark pit of sarrow.

It took me years of sweat, crying, been in denial to finally accept that he is no more and that I was left alone to account for our daughter. You see it was through the Word of God and finding the strength and support from my family and my new found family in Christ to get to where I’m today.

But out of nowhere your yesterday appears and tries to shakes things, you might not have allowed the shake to swing you from side to side but you definitely felt the impact of the shake.

Today we as single Christian women are at war with ourselves. The war starts when we finally realise that we have been single for so long and nothing is changing.  We start to wonder and starting asking God questions that we feel we deserve answers to!!

Question I asked myself while lying in bed crying my eyes out feeling less of a woman was this:
Does a woman’s relationship status really define her?

Is being single a disease or an indication of something “wrong” with me?

At most times we end up blaming ourselves for failing to make the past relationship work, we start to come up with theories that will make us feel good for a second like, If only I was more submissive, or if I did what he requested of me. The list is endless of the excuses we make for ourselves.

We blame ourselves for being single but why are we at fault for not being married, as if marriage was something we just buy at the stores.

To all My beautiful God Fearing single sisters, as daughters of the Most High God, the One that created the very Boaz, Adams, Ribs, Perfect Ten we are praying for, He is working out your story beautifully, so rejoice  in that.

I know this can get frustrating for us matured christian woman, who are ready for marriage that we can’t find the right guy.

Know that you are someone Eve, Ruth, Esther
Let us not be those Many Christian women who want a man that knows where he is going, but God’s men usually don’t have a clue.

Think about all the great men in the Bible that had relationships with God and who He used and blessed. They usually didn’t have a clue about where they were going and even if they had a clue, their lives for a long time did not reflect that great place God said He was taking them. Just think about it. All the way from Abraham, going to a land he did not know,  Joseph having a dream that people would bow down to him but became a slave and then a prisoner; David who was anointed to be King and then lived the next 15 years in the wilderness as a fugitive; Peter the great fisher of men who was barely able to catch fish.

These men would have had a rough time finding a wife today. Could you imagine?

Many Christian ladies say they have faith but they don’t. They say that God is their source but they are lying. They say that they trust God’s will for their future but they are lying. They don’t.

They put their trust in a man. What kind of job he has/can get.
How much he is making or can make.
They want to make sure he has the “ability to provide”. They want him to have his life totally figured out.

Let us allow God To be the compass of our lives at all times.



Don’t Allow Your Past To Define Your Future

Romans 8:1-11 NIV

(Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2 because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh. God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.And so he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
5 Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6 The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. 7 The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. 8 Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.
9 You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. 10 But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness. 11 And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you.)

So many people today are allowing the past enter into their future. It’s the past that is blocking us from fully possessing what God has promised us. We have allowed the past and it’s mistakes to define our current lives.

Today my sister showed me my progress report from when I was in Grade 3. Oh my if I had listened to the commands of that teacher who claimed that I could not spell let along construct a sentence and that i struggled with pronouncing words!!!

If I had carried those remarks with me throughout my education years, I would not have made it to where I’m at today. You see, God does not see us the way people of this world sees us. In God eyes we are wonderfully made, filled with intelligence, wisdom and knowledge. It might not be the way society accept it but rest assured God was pleased with His Master job when He was creating Us.
Our past doesn’t define who we are, because we are not our past, but we are what we choose to be at this very present moment. We have accepted the concept that our past define who we are, but the truth is that our past cannot define us, but we define ourselves through our deeds and actions of our present lives.

Everyone has sinned against God in their lives, and we still continue to wrong God in this walk of ours as Christians. Our past doesn’t define us, because the past is gone. The only thing that is here is our present, and what we have chosen to be now is what really define us.

We are no longer slaves to our pasts. We were freed from our past sins, mistakes the second we accept Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior.

There is no longer condemnation to those who belong to Christ Jesus. We have been born again and bought at a very high price, which no amount of  money can ever claim us back into the old evil ways of our past. We were bought with the highest  currency which is the Blood of Jesus Christ.

We are not our past, we are not our past decisions, we are not our mistakes, we are not our past behaviours, but we are what we choose to be right now, and that is all that matters. The consequences of our past actions cannot be avoided, but we can avoid being the person we are not. We grow, we change, we evolve, and in that way we discover and create our true self, in Christ Jesus.

It’s done Christ forgive us all our wrongs.  Because of that nobody can define who we are, not even our past nor our old self, but we define ourselves. In this present moment we have the opportunity to decide and express our true self and release the greatness within us. Forgive yourself, accept your true self, love yourself, become the best version of yourself, Christ has made it possible


The Encounter

Most of the times, the very wordly possessions we are crying for, its not to say God can’t bless us with them. He knows that those very things might be what will disqualify Us from gaining Eternal Life.  Christ is more concerned about the Salvation of Our souls.. Not about the amount of wealth, cars, houses, careers, number of children we have, whether we get married or not!!!!

If you were to have an Encounter with Christ today,  Where do you think your Soul will depart to?
Heaven Or Hell?????


The Importance of Easter Friday 

Question is do we really know why we are cerebrating Good5 Friday?
Do we really know the true meaning of it?
Do we understand what does Ascension Day really means to us?
I think that we as Christians today have lost the true value and why Christ died for us! We celebrate Good Friday so much that we have forgotten about Ascension Day.
Ascension Day was the fulfillment of the assignment Christ had on Earth. He went to go prepare a place for us in Heaven as He said to Disciples,  I’m going to my Father place and will go prepare rooms for us as in His father place there are many rooms.
Jesus Christ was crucified on this day and on the third day, which is Easter Sunday, Christ Jesus Resurrected.
We need to know and understand the importance or this three events:
Easter Friday ( Crucifixion)
Resurrection( on the third day)
Ascension Day( 40days)
On Easter Friday, Our Lord Jesus Christ died for us on Calvary. He died for all our sins but before Jesus was crucified. He ate the Lord Supper with His Disciple’s
Matthew 26:26-29
Jesus already knew His fate and He was preparing His Disciples for what was to come. His blood that was shed on Calvary was a seal of God’s new Covenant to the Gentile’s. You see before Jesus was crucified we were gentiles and salivation was not for us but for the Jews. The Lord Supper was representing what was about to happen to Christ. The blood that poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins!!
He told His Disciples that He will never drink this wine until the day, He drinks the new wine with them in heaven in His Father Kingdom.  You see Jesus already knew the master plan God had for His life, and He knew that even the ones He trusted would betray and deny Him.
Matthew 27:33
Jesus was crucified at Golgotha. I always say that the enemy thought he was destroying Christ but little did he know that he was actually saving us from the death of sin. If the enemy knew the master plan God had, he would not have crucified Jesus Christ!!
The crucifixion of Jesus Christ had so much power that it torn the curtain hanging in the Temple in two from top to bottom, the earth shook, the rocks split apart, the graves broke opened and the many of God’s people who had died were raised to life. They left the graves and after Jesus resurrected from death, they want into the Holy City.
Matthew 27:51-53
On Easter Sunday on the 3rd day, Jesus resurrected from the death after the resurrection Christ went to His Disciples and it was in this place that He told and gave instructions to His Disciples to baptise, us in the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit and teach us to obey everything He has commanded us and He will be with us always, to the end of ages.
Matthews 28:16-20
Christ stayed with His Disciples, teaching them and after that He was taken up into Heaven.
40 days of been with His Disciples teaching them Jesus Christ was taken up to heaven and He now sits on the right hand side of the Father.
Jesus had to suffer and resurrect from death in three days and in His name the message about repentance and the forgiveness of Sins must be preached to all Nations, beginning in Jerusalem. He told them what He will send upon what His Father has promised which was the Holy Spirit.
As we celebrate this three important events in our Christian lives, let us remember the second coming of Christ Jesus which is near. Fix yourself so that when that day comes, we too will ascend with Him and inherit the many rooms He has prepared for us, in His Father house (Kingdom of God). Where there is eternal life, no sorrow, fear, and suffering but love and peace.

The hidden truth not told about waiting for your Boaz, Adam and Rib

This is my story. I have been single for 5 years now. I used to be in a perfect loving relationship well at that time I thought, it was all roses. In 2012 I fell pregnant and what was suppose to be my joy turned into my sorrow. You see my partner at that time could not handle alot of things. We tried to make it work but ultimately God did not have him lined up in the plans He had for my Calling into His wonderful Grace.

For the next years, I felt like those years were wasted. In my singleness I watched as everyone around me got married, having children, and seemingly moving forward with their lives and mine just looked like it was going nowhere slowly.

It felt like I was just standing still. I felt like I was missing out on life and all its happenings. To make matters worse my father May His soul rest in peace, was strike by this deadly beast called Cancer!!!

Already my life was a hot mess and as if I needed this to add to my depressing life. For the next coming one year six months I literally had no life but what I had was Christ but did not realise it at that time.

The more i cried to God the more people around me disappeared. Family, friends but mostly a sisterhood very close to my heart. God was at work in my life and I never could see it. All i did was cry and complain to Him.

My heart’s desire was raging a war too inside of me, the desire for marriage.

I didn’t understand why God seemed to be holding out on me. Why would He put such a strong desire within me and then ask me to remain single for 5 years?

I wish I could say that I handled those years with wisdom and grace. But that was most definitely not the case. For the most part, I sinned against God more than obeying His commands.

I cried. I questioned. I disobeyed. I was frustrated and hurt. I didn’t, couldn’t see His plan for my life. I struggled with trusting Him and waiting for His timing.

As the years passed, though seemingly with the pace of a snail, I began to allow God to change the attitude of my heart.

I realised I had been believing the lies of the enemy and of this world. I believed that I had to have a husband to be complete. I made marriage an idol in my life. I was placing my identity in my worldly status rather than in Christ. I believed that God was withholding His best from me.

But God, in His loving and patient way, helped me to understand why He kept those things I so desired from me:

God opened my spiritual eyes and I started seeing that it’s more important to pursue a relationship with Him than to pursue any earthly relationship.

God revealed to me that He had already blessed me with the perfect man through His Son, Jesus Christ, and, infinitely more than I needed an earthly husband, I needed a relationship with my Lord and Savior.

Jesus. The lover of my soul. The Man who saved me from certain death. The Man who loved me enough to die for me and for my sins, something I could never earn nor deserve.
God helped me to realise that I had already met my Boaz, My Adam, My Rib, My Prince Charming, the Love of my life and My Perfect Ten.

My heart was convicted: How much time, energy, and dedication was I putting into pursuing a relationship with this perfect man?

Mark 5:28

Look at the women in the Bible and how they pursued Jesus. Mary Magdalene followed Jesus throughout His ministry, even to His death on the cross and His resurrection from the tomb.

Luke 8:43-48

The bleeding woman in the crowd followed Jesus just to touch His robe, placing her faith in Him to heal her.

Luke 7:36-50

The sinful woman followed Jesus to the home of Simon, a Pharisee, just for the chance to wash His feet with her tears and anoint Him with expensive perfume

These women risked and sacrificed so much to follow the man they loved. They placed their hopes, identities, and lives in Him.

And here I was praying for a husband, while ignoring the most important relationship I’ll ever have.

Today I’m learning to focus my heart on God and allow Him to mold me into the woman that He wants me to be before I could ever be ready to be a wife to someone.

I’m now enjoying my time of singleness. I get to devote my time and energy to my relationship with God, Spend time engaging in prayer, Bible study, fellowship, and evangelism.

God doesn’t waste anything. If you are willing, He will use you for great things regardless of whether you’re married or single.

One for the toughest thing for me was learning to trust God.

I didn’t trust God with my heart and my life. I didn’t trust Him to redeem my past, or to bless my present and my future.

I ignored His gentle voice when it spoke words of comfort. I was sinful and disobedient, wholly undeserving of His grace and mercy. And yet His Grace was sufficient for Me.

Over the years I have learnt to trust God with everything that Im. I learnt to surrender myself over to Him fully. That is when I realised that His will is perfect, His yoke is light

Matthew 11:30

and His plan is always better than even your very best daydreams.

Today I no longer find myself trying to rush God’s timing because it only made things worse.
Take the story of Abram and Sarai (later renamed by God as Abraham and Sarah). God promised a son to Them but, rather than waiting for God to fulfill this promise in His time and in His way, Abram and Sarai rushed things. Abram ended up fathering a child with Sarai’s servant which led to much heartache for the entire family. Sarah did end up giving birth to a son but only after walking through the mess they created by not waiting on God.

God’s timing is always perfect. Wait for Him. If you allow Him to work in your life in His way, you can avoid much of the heartache we create when we try to rush His timing.

We need to learn to listen of the voice of God and when He speaks we need to answer with a Yes.
Say yes to God during your time of singleness. Be obedient to Him. Fighting against His will only leads to strife. Obedience to Him results in amazing spirituala nd sometimes worldly blessings.

My beautiful sisters in Christ, rest in these truths from God during your season of singleness. He has great plans for you

Jeremiah 29:11

He loves you with a perfect love. You are whole and complete in Him

Colossians 2:10


Be Encouraged

Amazing Tangled Grace

“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me” (Revelation 3:20).


As I’ve become more open about the words and visions I receive from the Lord, I’m getting the impression that people either don’t know quite what to believe, or they believe that I am special in some way. And as it turns out, they’re right, I am special, but they’re special too, and so are you. “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39). Be encouraged.

You may feel like you are…

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Letter to all the singles worried that time is passing them by, that they won’t get married

We have all heard this question either from family members, friends and society at large.

When are you planing on getting married?

As if marriage is like going to the shop and you get to pick it from a shelf or just order it like we order our food at a restaurant!!!

After all those questions, one cant help feel and fall into the pressure of society. You start to doubt yourself and start asking this question:

Will I ever get married?

You start praying prayers that put God in a corner. Do you remember praying those prayers? I remember  praying reminding God that my biological clock was ticking and I needed my triplets. For that to happen, i needed a husband. I look back at that and can’t help but laugh at my old silly self.

Today I want to talk to the women who are still in the midst of that wondering, wondering if they’ll find a husband, wondering if they’ll get married, worrying that marriage will pass them by.

Well here is, something to think about. I believe that every single living breathing women on this earth, was made out of a rib of a man. So surely marriage is something that God preordained from the every beginning of creation. Marriage is not something that we should be spending our time praying about. What we should be doing is praying that God prepares us for that moment when our Adams, Rib, boaz comes that they find us in a right standing position. Been women after God’s own heart.

I know that the pressure and loneliness that we often feel can make us want to be married. We become desperate to be married. We just want to be loved by someone who won’t  leave. And as we struggle through that desire over days weeks, months and years, we forget that God is a perfect Father who’s never late on His promises.

You See in times like this we forget that God is a loving God.

I remember those days where I would cry to God asking Him why me but on that onn particular day, I was weeping I finally surrendered to God. I told myself that even if I’m alone for the rest of my life, God will still be enough for me. Because no one else can love me perfectly, and I’ve been looking for someone else to fill the whole in my heart, and only Christ can do that.

That was an important moment I went through. I have been single 5 years now. My singleness sent me into the arms of Jesus Christ, and it made me realise that my life could not be based on me finding a husband to marry me.

I have to admit that it has not been a smooth sailing during this 5 years but the grace of God has been more than sufficient.

So many of us put our hopes in marriage rather than in Christ Jesus. We think a man will solve our longings for love and purpose and belonging.

Now I might not be getting any younger and I also know that by the time I meet, get to know, date, and get engaged to a man, and then plan our wedding and finally walk down the aisle to him, I’ll probably be two to four years older than I am now.

That all said, I know something now that I wish I had known three or four years ago:

My life’s purpose, my vision for the future, and my personal contentment should only be tied to loving and following Jesus.
When you place that purpose and vision on anything else, you create an idol. The truth is that I placed way too much emphasis on a “future husband”, and the dream of marriage than I should have. There is nothing wrong with dreaming. There isn’t even anything wrong with hoping to marry. Marriage is a beautiful thing. It’s not wrong to desire it. But when those dreams and desires become an idol. when we stake our happiness and trust on something other than God, we encounter problems.

The reality is that I basically banked on marrying young, and as a result, I didn’t prepare for the possibility of a future without a husband as well as I should have. I also didn’t learn to find my happiness, purpose, or identity primarily in God. As a result, whenever I was exposed to the bliss of a married couple, I felt completely miserable. I was left asking:

When will it be my turn?

What is wrong with me that I’m still single?

I felt lonely, insecure, and nearly bitter when I focused on what others had that I didn’t.

Thankfully, God used many things, friends and family, sermons, Scripture, and the voice of His Holy Spirit to speak the truth into my life and set me free from the idol I had created.

Do I still hope to marry one day? Sure.

But, am I just as happy to remain single? Yes, because I know that God will always be with me. He will never leave me nor forsake me, and He will always give me joy, love, peace and fulfillment.

My purpose, confidence, and identity is found in Him. Not in marriage.

Because of this, I no longer have to feel that my life begins when a man enters it. I can live with purpose and make a difference NOW because I’m living for the Kingdom of God.

If you are single and feel as though you’ve fallen into the same trap of idolatry as I did, I would encourage you to realize that your life not just your present, but your future should be completely centered upon God. Yes, you can dream. But ultimately you must surrender those dreams to God and come to the place where you’re happy even if there don’t come to pass. You must find contentment in Christ alone, not in dreams come true.

Remember 10 years to God is 10 seconds!!!