I thought about you today and my heart ached. I thought about all of the tears I cried. Since I can remember I have been waiting for the day you would be within reach. I have hurt myself settling for cheap imitations of you. I thought that some of you was better than none of you so I took whatever I could get. I didn’t realize by settling I was training my heart to survive with less than it deserved.
I started a war within myself, I quarreled with the part of me that still wanted more of you. I thought that creating my own happy ending. I was satisfied chasing an artificial love. The fairy tale kinda of love, where two people look beyond each other shortcomings and fall in love.
Fast forward to my life now, I’m matured and wise. I no longer want someone who can look beyond my flaws. I don’t want to spend a lifetime pretending they don’t exist. My imperfections are as much a part of me as the beautiful things.
Everyday I pray that you will be brave
enough to see beauty in my struggles.
I want you to fall in love with my sharp edges. To fall in love with my scars that was caused by the pain I have endured
I want us to know each other bitter truth. I know it won’t always be easy, I’m not looking for that. I just want to be
with the person that makes the difficult worth it.
You must know that I’m not perfect and things won’t always be perfect. In fact, I’m so far from it I don’t even want to start something I can’t finish.
I know now the day will come when gravity will pull our souls together. I have this idea that love is the only foundation and everything else will get better in time. I have realised that better only comes when you have real love.
And real love always begins with self.
One day, when our souls meet I will tell you how I practiced loving you by loving myself. I wanted so badly to have a love
that said, “You’re perfectly imperfect and that’s okay. So I gave it to myself.
Know that you will have to fall in love with my shy smile, chubby cheeks, blemishes on my forehead and cheeks.
I fell in love with the God who
placed air in my lungs and created the rhythm of my heartbeat.
You are so worth the frogs I
kissed along the way and the tears I cried from the pain. It means love is a masterpiece and you’re worth the wait. I don’t want the desire to love to ever make me settle for the imitation again.
Know that I’m waiting and loving myself like it were you. Till the day we met, know that I’m patiently waiting upon God to bring us together.